Nuklhd's The Goddamn F.A.Q.

**Vancouver Canucks Newsgroup Charter and Goddamned F.A.Q.** v.1.2

Previous versions:

• Vancouver Canucks Newsgroup Charter and Goddamned F.A.Q. v.1.12
• [presumably others, but they are now only spoken of in legend...]

Table of contents

1.0 About alt.sports.hockey.nhl.vanc-canucks (aka "ASHNV-C" or "The Newsgroup")
1.1 Acceptable discussion topics
1.2 Other Rules of posting in alt.sports.hockey.nhl.vanc-canucks
1.3 Other Miscellaneous Guidelines and Issues (Still not rules though, dammit!)

2.0 Frequently (and Not-So-Frequently) Asked Questions

3.0 Adopted/Pet Canucks

3.1 How to adopt and care for your pet Canuck
3.2 Current list of adopted Canucks
3.3 Canucks in need of adoption

4.0 Some useful hockey sites

1.1 Acceptable discussion topics

The alt.sports.hockey.nhl.vanc-canucks newsgroup is dedicated to following the fortunes good, bad, well, mostly bad, of the Vancouver Canucks. We also encourage postings on the following topics:
• Mindless bashing of any Leaf, especially Tie Dummy.
• Mindless bashing of the NHL Head Office, especially Gary Bettman.
• Mindless bashing of any official, especially Don Koharski and Kerry Fraser.
• Anyone who has had sex with Kirk McLean's ex-wife
• Anyone who has had sex with Jeff Brown
• Anyone who has had sex with Jeff Brown and Kirk McLean's ex-wife
• Long-winded diatribes on the state of hockey today
• Mojo vs Pratt vs. Russell - who is the ugliest man in radio?
• The sexual prowess (or lack thereof) of any poster to the newsgroup
• The number of testicles (or lack thereof) of any male poster to the newsgroup
• Jazz -- Old school or new school? Miles or Dizzy? Monk or Peterson? Heavenly music or tuneless crap?
• Metallica -- Old school or new school? Ride the Lightning or ...And Justice for All? Heavenly music or tuneless crap?
• Obituaries for dead jazz musicians, philosophers, authors or anyone else of note
• Critiques of the latest Subway commercials
• Fashion critiques of uniforms
• Your (or anyone else's) pets
• Your (or anyone else's) kids/in-laws
• Lawn ornaments
• Women who buy us beer (a rare and wonderful woman she is...)
• CFL football, the BC Lions in particular (we are the surrogate home of alt.sports.football.cfl.bc-lions)
• Are all Albertans rednecks?
• Are all Vancouverites green-haired hippies?
• Media hotties -- Tamara Taggart, Randene Nei or Jill Krop?
• The Shawshank Redemption and the nature of art
• Gambling / Vegas odds
• Advanced statistics methodology
• Principles of Newtonian and quantum physics
• Apparently, if you want to build your computer from scratch, there are a lot of folks willing to give advice.
• How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
• Hatred of anything from Toronto
• The screwing of the West by the Federal government of Canada
• Drug use, prostitution and/or homelessness
• Vancouver/BC politics - or any politics for that matter
• The 2010 Winter Olympics, and anything regarding the future upgrading to public infrastructure such as Highway 99... or curling and luge facilities
• United States foreign policy in the Middle East in light of the historic difficulties in instituting democratic nation-states since the Sykes-Picot agreement of 1916 (use references, discussing the geopolitical influence of Zionism, Marxism and neo-Colonialist tendencies of current G8 nations and their economic interests in the region)
• Anything we GDFAQing feel like (yeah, alright, so that was lame, big FAQing deal.. heh, I did it again... *ahem*)

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1.2 Other Rules of posting in alt.sports.hockey.nhl.vanc-canucks

First off, these are not rules. We have no rules. Except for what's listed below. Which aren't rules. Even though I call them rules. And they should be followed as rules. But they are definitely not rules. Got that?
• Any mention of that team from Toronto should mention the words "centre of the universe", and the fact that the plural of "Leaf" is not "Leafs"
• If you wish to describe something as poor, it should be compared to Kirk McLean on wraparounds.
• Any mention of Dave Gagner must be immediately followed by "the Key"
• Any mention of Kevin Weekes must be immediately followed by "the Future"
• Any mention of Mark Messier, must also mention "the hat"
• Any mention of Theoren Fleury must use the acronym LMRB (Little Midget Rat Bastard)
• Clever, witty replies, or anything that could be construed as a double-entendre must be followed by "(sudb)": i.e. "Shut Up db"... to prevent unwanted misconstruing of one's original intentions
• Comparisons should be made between Brian Burke and the "Fat Bastard" character from Austin Powers: The Spy who Shagged me. (Yeah, one's Irish, one's Scottish, so sue me)
• By posting in this newsgroup you are allowing yourself to be subjected to ridicule on:
  • your spelling
  • your grammar
  • your signature
  • your name
  • your birthplace
  • your hair
  • your homepage
  • your significant other
  • your hockey knowledge or lack thereof
  • whatever we damn well feel like

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1.3 Other Miscellaneous Guidelines and Issues (Still not rules though, dammit!)

In my opinion, anyone has a right to post in this group. In fact I wish more people would, even if sporadically. A number of issues come to mind:
• Hockey Knowledge: This is a fan's group. IMO anyone has a right to be a Canucks fan. I haven't played hockey since I was 16. I could shoot and be a decent checking winger, but beating a player by positional play remains forever an unsolved mystery for me. In fact, if someone could explain it to me, I would forever support that person's Canuck opinions. Last, if hockey knowledge was a requirement, it is questionable whether Brian Burke would be allowed to be a "regular".

• Newsgroup Leaders, Cliques and Trolls (courtesy of feeniks): While there are no cliques and no newsgroup leaders, elders should be respected, even if they are drunken, off-their-rocker whack-jobs. Trolls are trolls, no matter what jersey they wear, and should expect to be treated as such: even when they become whining, snot-nosed turtles at the slightest challenge to their "opinions".

• Get-Togethers: Some of the events discussed on this newsgroup involve get-togethers. By geography alone, these will exclude most of the fans/posters who live any distance away from Vancouver or Victoria. In the past, newsgroupers have convened to attend games at GM place and also watch at people's houses and in bars/restaurants. Plans for ice hockey and ball hockey games have been discussed but never implemented. Continued events of this nature are encouraged and usually well-attended.

• General posting etiquette: Try reading all the posts in a thread before responding. Off-topic postings should be identified with an "OT:" at the beginning of the subject heading. As in all usenet groups, please trim your replies as much as possible. Top posting is generally discouraged, although a small enclave of hardcore top-posters continue to flaunt this convention with seemingly no regard for public order. Posting topless is always encouraged.

• Other Suggestions for first-time posters and lurkers: Perhaps it would be worthwhile for regular posters to pull up a bit with the criticism in a FIRST reply to a new poster. I know each person is responsible for their own sensitivity, but it would encourage more people to test the waters. I've been guilty of hurting a new poster, and though my intent was only to disagree, my reply was taken personally. I wouldn't reply the same way again. I encourage lurkers to post. A personal opinion, with a few points to back your position is a great way to start. Using phrases like "In my opinion" or "For what it's worth" flag your intent without confrontation. Once you've introduced yourself, disagreement tends to be more acceptable. Even if you are disagreeing with one poster, you are probably agreeing with another. If you are going to flame someone, have the guts to do it publicly and at least use your newsgroup identity.

• Etiquette for new posters (courtesy Stash): Posters, especially long time posters, are allowed to change the subject at will. Capital letters are frowned upon, except at the beginning of sentences. First time posters have to perform a mea culpa, criticize Brian Burke for the Bure trade, and publicly take a position on the goaltending abilities of Dan Cloutier, and disagree with foamy. Please do not use the word "fuck" in capital letters.. This is a (somewhat) moral group, and shouting "FUCK" is likely to draw attention to a private interaction which is best kept hushed. Furthermore this group is fraught with tension; you have to be careful who you troll, you never know when they snap. Some members of this newsgroup, with the exception of Henderson, have long memories.

• COMMANDMENT (courtesy db): "Thou shalt not bringeth Leaves trolls backeth into this newsgroup by crossposting". The punishment for a repeat offence of this nature is 1000 hours of sustained listening to Brittany Spears' version of 'The Beat Goes On'.

Q. So, I'm new to this. Are you going to be mean to me?

A. As far as newsgroups go, we're pretty tame. A general rule would be that if you post something inflammatory, you will get nasty responses from somewhere. That's why it's called inflammatory.

Q. What is the room, and how do I get there?

A. The room is the pure, distilled essence of evil. It's also where Canucks fans go to vent their spleens and talk about everything except the Canucks during Canuck games. How you get there is described at http://www.nhlcanucks.com/ - click on the link to "The Room" (duh).

Q. I'm funny. People laugh at me all the time. How do I get into 'the Hall'?

A. If you write something funny, and people actually like it, someone might nominate you. If it is seconded, Andy will probably put it into the hall. Unless he thinks it's lame. Because he wants it that way.

Q. What is the "CNGHL"?

A. CNGHL stands for the Canucks NewsGroup Hockey League, a 20-team fantasy GMing league using Shawn Bates' FHL software. Many newsgroup contributors are either current or former managers/owners. The league's web site is: http://www.canuckscentral.com/cnghl/

Q. Is there a math prerequisite for posting in the newsgroup?

A. Your general high school math should be sufficient for most problems encountered while posting. On occasion, some threads will require a minimum of Grade 12 algebra or first-year calculus, or at least a half-decent statistics course. Advanced topics require a Ph.D and a research grant at a particle and nuclear physics laboratory.

Q. Can I sell penis enlargers in this newsgroup?

A. Though I can think of several needy clients, most of them are tightwads. You probably wouldn't make a sale.

Q. Why did Pavel Bure leave?

A. Oh, sure, open up that can of worms. This requires a long, yet unsatisfying response. Officially, Pavel has said that he never had a problem with the fans, city or teammates, but that he had reached an untenable position dealing with Canucks management. Canucks management has responded that Pavel did not like the "fishbowl" atmosphere of the Vancouver sports scene, and also mentioned difficulties with previous incarnations of management (specifically the Pat Quinn/Arthur Griffiths era). In the end, only Pavel, and one suspects, Pat Quinn and Arthur Griffiths, know the real reasons why Pavel wanted out. Pavel tends to remain quiet on the subject.

Q. Did Bure threaten to sit out the 7th game of the 1994 Stanley Cup Finals, in order to get his contract signed?

A. No. No. NO! This was a rumour that was spread by Al Strachan and then copied by Tony Gallagher. This has been adamantly denied by both Bure and then-GM Quinn. Bure claims that Canucks management did not deny this strongly enough, however, though Quinn did go on Hockey Night in Canada, and publicly berate Don Cherry for speaking of those rumours on Coach's Corner. Bure's contract had been settled well before game 7. Rumours (and that's all they are) suggest that there was a source in Canucks management, who didn't like Pavel, who leaked these stories.

Q. Who are "Chicken-Neck" and "Comb-over"?

A. The former would be Vancouver Province columnist Tony Gallagher. The latter would be Toronto Star columnist Al Strachan. Both are considered shills for the NHLPA, and also have been proven wrong many, many times with their inane trade rumours. They also managed to get an exclusive interview with Pavel Bure after his trade, where they managed to extract no new information. Pavel must have forgotten that Al and Tony started the slanderous rumour mentioned above. In fact, Tony and Al were brazen enough to say that Canuck management did not do enough to stop the rumour, even though they were the ones to print the rumour in the first place.

Q. So what was the Bure trade again?

A. The sad legacy was Bure, Bret Hedican, Brad Ference and a 3rd rounder (Robert Fried) for Ed Jovanovski, Dave Gagner, Kevin Weekes, Mike Brown and a 1st round pick in 2000, Nathan Smith. Jovo has risen to be our (arguably -- and we argue about it a lot) best defenceman. Gagner was bought out after finishing the season, and retired; Weekes was shipped to the Islanders with Bill Muckalt and Dave Scatchard for Felix Potvin, a 2nd round pick, and a 3rd round pick. The 2nd round pick was traded for Vadim Sharifijanov (who returned to Russia), and the 3rd round pick was Thatcher Bell (who was never signed and left as a free agent). Mike Brown played a few games in Vancouver, looked like a bust, and was lost on waivers to Anaheim. Hedican was traded to Carolina (and is slowly starting to wind down), while Ference has evolved into a physical, stay-at-home dman and is now with Phoenix. So the trade was essentially:
Bure, Hedican, Ferrence, Fried, Muckalt and Scatchard for
Jovanovski, Gagner, Potvin, Brown, Smith, Sharifijanov and Bell
... and out of those seven players, only Jovanovski and Smith remain in the Canucks system.

Q. Who was the biggest loser in the Bure trade?

A. Without a doubt, Sergei Fedorov.

Q. I keep hearing about Jeff Brown and Kirk McLean having some sort of problem. What's the story behind that?

A. Again, these are rumours. However, one of the reasons Jeff Brown played for so many teams in the NHL was that he didn't make himself popular in the dressing room. The story goes that Jeff Brown was banging Kirk's wife, which caused some locker room tension. It also coincided with Kirk going from a Vezina finalist type goalie to a 5-hole with legs. The situation got to the point where Pat Quinn traded Brown and a 3rd round pick away for the excess baggage of Frank Kucera and Jim Dowd plus a 2nd round pick (which turned into so-so prospect Ryan Bonni). More credence was lent to this rumour when Jeff Brown was shipped away by Carolina theday before they picked up Kirk McLean in a trade with the Canucks.

(Alternate Answer, courtesy Lonnie): Seriously - let it go, it didn't happen. Never. The players of that time DID NOT repeat this rumour. If you mentioned it to them you got nothing but a blank stare. Kirk DID NOT think Brown did his wife. Further - she was one of the ugliest and crankiest bitches God ever punished a man with. I doubt Kirk was doing her - why the hell would Brown be interested? So, once and for all - the most famous and celebrated Canuck rumour is as true as Rod Stewart having his stomach pumped or Richard Gere felching a gerbil (that means it didn't happen). I don't know why you people won't let this one go - but I know it's not true. I asked Kirk about it myself. My best friend was one of their best friends - he was their accountant and handled her part of the split - if it happened, or if Kirk even suspected it might have happened, he would have known. BUT IT DID NOT HAPPEN - PERIOD. So please, give this tired old lie a proper burial. Brown DID NOT screw Leslie Maclean. It didn't happen. Not a chance. On a side note though - Kirk Maclean DID once make a pass at my wife. That's not why I was traded, though.

Q. What's that music I hear in my head every time I read a Gary Mason column?

A. That would be the background music for Subway commercials. Mason has a style. Of short sentences. To make a point. It's a shame. Really. A. Shame.

Q. What is "the hat"?

A. The "hat" belongs to Mark Messier, though some would say that Mark belongs to the "hat". Mark has always been, umm, eclectic with the coverings for his bald scalp. There are rumours that when Mark wears the hat, he becomes evil - which may explain some of his play while he was here.

Q. By the way, about Messier, I keep hearing rumours, he's not... you know?

A. Bald? I'm afraid so... that's why he has the silly hats...

Q. No, not bald, you idiot! You know, does he play for the other team? Does he swing from the other side of the plate?

A. This is a HOCKEY newsgroup, son... not baseball, I don't know what you're getting on about...

Q. Arrggggh! Fine! GAY! Is he gay? Is he a homosexual?

A. Hmm, are you interested? I'd suggest asking him yourself. Seriously, rumours have persisted that Mark leads that lifestyle - possibly because he looks like a bulked up Michael Stipe. However, there are also rumours that he squired Madonna and some female porn stars. (ed note: if you're the type who watches Will and Grace or reads Dan Savage, you'll know that dating Madonna does not qualify as evidence of one's heterosexuality).

Q. So, why are all these Q&A's about Messier still here? He's a Ranger.

A. Hey - they're STILL funny. They're staying... until he retires. Ha!

Q. And what are all the comments about Donald Brashear and the hat?

A. Well, not "the hat". Again, this is a "rumour". Apparently Mr. Brashear, as a prank used another players helmet (or hat, the story does lose some focus) as his own personal waste receptacle. And I do mean "personal waste" receptacle. I believe John McKeachie was going to tell this story on the radio, but was personally threatened by Donald not to do so. Which is a damn shame, because I would have loved to see that fight. (foamy clarifies: From what I understand, it was McEachie's hat and briefcase that Brashear deficated in. Went into his hotel room and expressed his displeasure over some things McEach said. :-))

Q. Did Brashear take a dive? (answer courtesy Stash)

A. More importantly, if the Brashear we were talking about was the one who was on the Canucks roster (please, he doesn't "play" hockey), it is untrue that he would take a dive. Donald may be an enforcer but he is not a thief. The truth is that someone planted a dive on the side of his head, using a hockey stick. Donald had earlier skated by the Bruins' bench and was clearly heard asking, "Anyone spare a dive, I have a coach's confidence to keep". The dive only came to light because his chin strap was undone and his helmet came off during his nap on the ice.

Q. What did you think about the McSorely trial?

A. I'm not answering that - because there's no way I want to be subpoenaed and have to go to court. Not a chance no way. Even if the courts have no place in the hockey rink (oops)...

Q. Is Markus Naslund really leaving after the 2003-04 season?

A. He has publicly stated that he would like to return to Sweden at some point, and speculated that it may be after his current contract expires. While many players talk about retiring, the potential NHL paycheque involved after he is eligible for unrestricted free agency may prove to be too tempting to ignore.

Q. Who are "the foreheads"?

A. That would be the Sedin brothers. If they were still playing hockey in their native Sweden, their foreheads would have been sold long ago for advertising space.

Q. How do you tell the Sedins apart?

A. Stamped on their ankles are their IKEA product code numbers. Oh, in case you didn't know, the Sedin's are cyborgs, built by IKEA. All you need is an Allen wrench to put them together. Daniel's code number is SVE-14234-22 and Henrik's is SVE-14234-33. db also says that Daniel has a tattoo of a butterfly on his ass, but you'll have to find out for yourself, like he did.

Q. Who is Julie? Why all the snickering?

A. Julie was an impressionable young woman who felt no need to hide her complete infatuation with the Sedin twins, especially Henrik. In no uncertain terms she let the world know of her desire to indulge in a Swedish sandwich... and we're not talking about the ones with lingonberry sauce you get at IKEA. Julie has not been heard from in many months, perhaps due to a restraining order.

Q: Why do you guys hate Toronto? We're all Canadians here.

A: Shut up, you pompous, centre-of-the-universe believing, western screwing, Energy policy stealing, snowfall-makes-the-national-news, navel-gazing, Domi-loving, arrogant bastard.

Q. Is it ok to start a cross-posted thread on tax breaks for Canadian teams?

A. Well, it's your funeral. Just remember, most hockey fans will support tax breaks. Except for Toronto fans. Because they want Toronto to be the only Canadian NHL team.

Q. What's the deal with foamy and Pavel?

A. Foamy likes Pavel. A lot. It's that shade of lipstick Pavel wears that turns him on. If you want to post something negative about Pavel, expect a response. Especially if the words "whiny little suck" are involved. You were warned.

Q. How come foamy uses the word 'bum' so much?

A. When you deal with assholes as much as Jim does, you develop a fascination.

Q. Is foamy really missing his left nut?

A. It would explain Jim's well-cultivated persona of being a cranky, shit-disturbing, right-wing old fart. However, since the majority of us are from BC, we still love and accept him despite all his faults and shortcomings: whether it's how many nuts he may have, or how nuts he may be.

Q. What's the deal with Burke and Mather?

A. Brian Burke and former-Global-TV-anchorperson-now-CKNW-fill-in-host Jennifer Mather were married in 2002. Now, what she sees in Brian, well, we're not sure... however it does give a lot of great fodder for jokes on the newsgroup, so it's all good.

Q. Is Tom Larschied really drunk during broadcasts?

A. Yep. Stinking.

Q. What does STFUM stand for?

A. SHUT THE FUCK UP, MILLEN.

Q. Does Greg Millen know absolutely anything about hockey?

A. No. Look at his NHL stats, if you don't believe me. And despite what he believes, none of what he says in "inneresting"

Q. Why don't they show more Canucks games on HNIC?

A. Because they're not Toronto. Toronto has to be on HNIC every week. That leaves 5 other teams to fight for that other game. Toronto has managed to kill off two Canadian teams this way.

Q. Who is the "senile old bat"?

A. Bob Cole, lead play-by-play announcer for HNIC. Every year, the number of seconds Cole is behind the play increases, and he frequently resorts to just calling "the [insert team name] player" instead of using a player's name.

Q. Is this newsgroup rated for family viewing?

A. Fuck no, motherfucker.

Q. Is Rick James really black? He keeps saying "nigga" - it's offensive.

A. THAT'S AFRICAN-CANADIAN TO YOU, MUTHAFUCKA.

Q. What do I do if I get into a debate with Harry the Leaf-blower [or SledMonkey, or Greg Quadrozzi, or LavaPlays, or...]?

A. Well, don't use logic or common sense, because they can't deal with real world things like this. Ignoring is usually the best strategy, and in extreme cases, killfiling is appropriate. If you must reply, you'll may end up having to remember all your schoolyard taunts from Grade 3.

Q. Which gamepad should I use with NHL 200x?

A (courtesy Bryce, who had a summer job with EA writing all those goofy comments that Don Taylor says during the game): Any gamepad with two analog controls along with the normal directional pad. The closer it is to mimicking a Playstation 2 gamepad the better. I've heard the Logitech Wingman Rumblepad is pretty good, or get an adapter and actually use a PS2 controller.

Q. Faith or Science?

A. Beer.

Q. Is this the year the Canucks will go all the way?

A. Yes. No. Of course not. For sure. Whatever. The Cup is *SO* ours. Not a chance. It's a conspiracy! Never gonna happen. Only if it's been twelve years since our last finals appearance.

3.1 How to adopt and care for your pet Canuck

Many newsgroupers have chosen to adopt a "pet" Canuck.

Anyone can have a pet, yet it takes a responsible person to be a good pet owner. A responsible pet owner loves and cares for his or her pet: publicly supporting and encouraging their pet in the newsgroup, providing a happy home, health care and nutrition, appropriate training, regular playtime and grooming periods, and cleaning up after the pet if necessary.

If you want to adopt a pet, you should be a recognized "regular" contributor to the group (don't ask for a specific definition ... if you post more than once every few weeks, you probably qualify). Post your adoption request on the NG, using the subject "PET ADOPTION REQUEST: Player's Name".

Neglect and abuse of pets will not be tolerated. If you haven't posted in several months and someone else wants to adopt your pet, you may lose custody. You may choose to give up your adoption or trade with another newsgrouper, although this is discouraged. Remember: pets have feelings, just like everyone else. Recently Fedor Fedorov was abandoned by the side of the road, and was found in the shivering cold, with a litter of little baby Fedorovs. It was heartbreaking, but we're thankful Jim agreed to take him in and he looks like he could pull through and even make the big club - if Crawford wasn't such a putz.

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3.2 Current list of adopted Canucks

(last updated July 23, 2003)


Owner: Pet Canuck

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Front Office / Coaching Pets:
tradervik: John "The Pet With The $$$" McCaw (Owner)

Darren Barefoot: Brian "Fat Bastard" Burke (Pres. & GM)

BQ: Marc "Crow" Crawford (Coach)

John Brooke: Jack (the #%^&*#@) McIlhargey (Asst. Coach)

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Pro Roster Pets:
Alan Jackson: Trevor "Twevvy" Linden

Anders E: Markus "Welby" Naslund

Bryce Fountain: Sami "Davis" Salo

Col. Saunders: Darren "Langoon" Langdon

db: Dan "Peca hates me but db loves me" Cloutier

feeniks: Brad "Mayday" May (has tabs on Murray "Bear" Baron if he should return)

Hammer: Jarko "Don't call me Esa" Ruutu

Hyack: Matt "The Cookie Monster" Cooke

Josh Eades: Mattias Ohlund "y, well you came and you gave without taking"

JT: Ed "Jovocop" Jovanovski

Julie: Henrik: "The other" Sedin and Daniel "The other other" Sedin

Lonnie: Artem "Chubby" Chubarov

Magnet: Brendan "Lizard King" Morrison

Mike McGillivray: Todd "Bert" Bertuzzi

Mike Scheltgen: Brent "don't drop the" Sopel

Neil Kelsey: Mats "Cheese" Lindgren

Peca Fan: Bryan "Fragile" Allen

Victor Alejandro Wainer: Marek Malik "my ass"

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Minor League Pets:
Alan Caldwell: Ryan "I'm not NHL" Ready

Andy Henderson: Bryan "If I had a" Helmer

Angus Thermopyle: John "Rocks in my" Craighead

Asweepay: Nolan "Who dropped the" Baumgartner

Banana Jr.: Nathan "There is no more boring name than" Smith

Bernd: Tyler Moss "Crotch"

Chris Grimes: Jason "I just can't wait to be" King

Dave Roy: Zenith "Colour TV" Komarniski

Doogster: Pat "Copa" Kavanagh

Euwyn Poon: Brandon "90210" Reid

Fearsome Orange: Regan "At least I didn't have to work with a chimp" Darby

Hans Petter Johnsen: Ryan "Playboy" Bonni

Jeremy Vis: Kevin "Hungry Man" Swanson

Kay: Dody "Knock on" Wood

N-Star Tyler "Ba Ba Ba" Bouck

Nuklhd: Alex Auld "Lang Syne"

Poizen: Justin "The Colonel" Kurtz

Ron Yamuchi: David "finger workout" Ytfeldt

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Prospects / Young 'uns (they're soooooo cute!):
barnaby: Mikko "Count" Jokela

David Savitt: Ryan "Kiss my" Kelser

Foamy: Fedor "Fedori" Fedorov

Manic: Kirill "Killer" Koltsov

Patrick Johnson: Tomas "Say my name 10 times fast" Mojzis

rorytait: RJ Umberger "meister"

Steve Miller: Rene "don't call me Simard" Vydarney

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3.3 Canucks in need of adoption

Chris Nielson

Justin Kurtz

Jaroslav Obsut

Herbert Vasilijevs

Tim Smith

Pavel Duma

Kostantin Mikhailov

Sregei Topol

Justin Morrison

Nicklas Danielsson

Marc-Andre Bernier

John Laliberte

Brandon Nolan

Thomas Nussli

Ilia Krikunov

Marc-Andre Roy

Ty Morris

Francois-Pierre Guenette

Johan Davidsson

Denis Grot

Mikko Jokela

Brett Skinner

Matt Gens

Keven Bieksa

Chad Browniee

Matthew Hansen

Markus Kankaanpera

Nathan McIver

Josh Reed

Rob McVicar

Lukas Mensator

Matt Violin

The following are a few links to Canucks and hockey-related sites. All links open in a new browser window.

The official home page of the Vancouver Canucks:
http://www.canucks.com

The official home page of the current Canucks' minor league affiliate, the Manitoba Moose:
http://www.moosehockey.com/

Stats on practically every year going back almost forever (please click on a banner if you use the site):
http://www.hockeydb.com/

Some profiles on Canucks' minor, junior, and foreign league prospects:
http://www.hockeysfuture.com/team.php?team=11

Official player and team statistics from the NHL:
http://www.nhl.com/webstats/index.jsp

Links to RealAudio broadcasts of NHL games (also try www.cknw.com for Canucks games):
http://www.nhl.com/radio/index.htm

The official NHL rulebook for on-ice conduct that NHL referees (are supposed to) apply on ice:
http://nhl.com/hockeyu/rulebook/index.html?clk=001